Do you have a Healthy Relationship?
How do you know you have a healthy relationship? You may wish to start by asking yourself - ‘how does this person make me feel?’
Happy, excited, supported, loved, appreciated? Or sad, alone, jealous, worried, hurt or even fearful?
We all have disagreements and fall outs in our relationships, and when your relationship is healthy you can have disagreements that get sorted out quickly.
Having a healthy relationship means you can…
Be Honest
You can be honest with each other and say what you think and feel and not be hurtful or spiteful when doing this.
Be Open
You can talk to each other about things that are important without feeling worried or being judged for what you said.
Be Respectful
You really listen to each other and respect each other’s boundaries and don’t feel uncomfortable, scared, or humiliated.
Be Brave & Trusting
You trust each other without getting jealous, including being able to spend time with other people.
Be Yourself
You can be yourself and feel comfortable doing things you enjoy, having different interests and spending time with other people.
If you feel that your relationship isn’t a healthy one, it can be difficult to know what to do, even more so if your lives are entwined through shared finances, living arrangements or children. You may have friends or family members who tell you to leave the relationship – but things are often not that simple and there may be a whole host of reasons why you feel leaving is not possible or you may simply feel that the good in the relationship outweighs the bad.
Only you can make the decision if and when to leave an unhealthy relationship, but you may benefit from talking to someone completely removed from the situation who can help you sift through your thoughts and feelings and give you some practical options on what you can do.
You can find some useful contacts on the Southend, Essex and Thurrock Domestic Abuse Board (SETDAB) website: www.setdab.org/hr/
Staying in an unhealthy relationship, or with someone you don’t feel completely comfortable with, may mean making allowances and understanding the other person’s personality and what their triggers are, so you can minimise the likelihood of problems flaring up and escalating. However, walking on eggshells around someone can be exhausting – so when your own quality of life is being adversely affected through the effort of pleasing someone else, remember that life doesn’t have to be that way and there is help available to move on away from that relationship if you want to.
Summer of Sport
The UEFA Euro 2024 football tournament (14th June – 14th July) and the Olympic games in Paris (26th July – 11th August) are taking place this summer, as well as other annual sporting competitions such as Wimbledon.
For many of us, this is a time of great excitement and national pride, but for some people living in an abusive or unhealthy relationship it can be worrying or even terrifying.
In recent years, there has been growing recognition of the link between sporting events and domestic abuse. Research has shown that incidents of domestic abuse tend to increase during major sporting events, such as those taking place this summer. Factors such as heightened emotions, increased alcohol consumption, and cultural norms surrounding masculinity and aggression can contribute to this concerning trend.
It's crucial for us as a community to be aware of these dynamics and to support one another, especially during these times.
Prepare in advance
If you are aware that your partner or a close friend or family member gets angry and aggressive due to frustrations associated with sporting competitions, you may wish to start thinking now about how you can help to manage that risk over this summer’s events. Perhaps you can make plans to visit friends or family over events and matches of particular significance to your partner (for example, when England are playing football – in which case also consider the potential for them to proceed through knockout stages of the competition if they do well). If you do manage to get away from home during those times, perhaps use that opportunity to really think about your home situation and consider your options.
If you feel able and safe to do so, consider speaking with that person ahead of the sporting competitions, to bring their attention to your concerns and help them understand the impact of their aggressive behaviour on your sense of wellbeing and how it affects others around them – but please do so with caution and only when they are sober and you are in a safe, comfortable environment, ideally with a trusted friend or family member to support you. There is help and support available to perpetrators as listed on this website: www.setdab.org/perpetrators/ so you may wish to signpost them to that information.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please remember that help is available. Reach out to friends or family members if you feel able to, and know that you are not alone.
There are loads of useful links and articles relating to a variety of topics on this webpage: www.setdab.org/victims/
Other support services you can contact include:
- Essex Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0330 3337444
- Safe Steps Southend: 01702 302333 (www.safesteps.org)